I have been absent from the blog a while now, haven’t written anything and suddenly I just got these random thoughts popping in my head and a strong urge to share them. You must have read the tittle and by now wondering what exactly is this, that too just before the year ends.
Yes, this is my last post for 2019 and it isn’t rosy but real raw. Some lessons I learnt along the way. Brace yourself with some coffee because I am going on with full steam.
It’s holiday season- ‘Tis the season to be jolly and merry but is it really or are some of us having a silent syndrome of family dynamics and feeling lonely. Let’s be honest family is anything but easy, they are the people who know us at our worst and best and they are the people with whom we are most vulnerable.
So it’s safe to say that we all are in our own little family circus, with our own version of clowns, adventurers, eccentrics and other characters with unique characteristics.
But quite often than not we forget to enjoy our own little private circus the way we enjoy the one we pay to see.
After all Nobody likes their own drama, others drama is easier to watch and enjoy, but not many speak of our own, or even chose not to accept our own. No one really talks about this Family Shamily business, it’s always under wraps, portraying the best of behaviour and perfect family pictures for holidays and vacations for the spectators delight and owners pride.
In today’s social world this exhibition is all the more prevalent of showcasing the prized family moments and perfect pictures captured. Nothing wrong with this, but it becomes easy for the person viewing or the one even posting it or portraying it to get entangled in this trap - a pressure to believe that family is supposed to be a particular way.
More often than not we compare our lives to others pretty pictures and check ins, perfect family getaways and dinners and think what they have is better. To want a life which doesn’t belong to you, to crave for something which is picture perfect, to feel jealous, let down and often angry with our own self. To feel small and insignificant is another biproduct of today’s social age.
The truth is far from what’s seen or in this case shown, the pictures we see - the portrayed reality is just one small part of everyone’s life. There is family drama in every house, there ought to be especially if so many characters live together, traits will clash sometimes or the other. Everyone has some family things which are painful, unhealthy, which people don’t share, which is considered taboo to do so. That’s another point I have learned in this year, if you don’t share the good or the bad with each other, how will you know, how will a person know he is good if you don’t tell them enough. Someone might feel less lonely or let down or insignificant if we share that yes we too experience similar things at one point or the other. Wouldn’t an open dialogue or just sharing that it’s normal to have family and its problems, it’s a package, it’s normal to get hurt till a certain extent. And it’s equally normal to maintain a distance to safeguard your sanity. You are not a failure, it’s not your fault. It’s ok also to feel low looking at others family. It’s ok, you don’t have to be guilty to have such feelings. It’s ok to feel the pain. It’s ok to let it go. You are not alone, life throws all of us curve balls at one point or the other.
Perfection is overrated, flaws are beautiful, flaws are unique, they set us apart from others. That’s what makes us special.
That’s what sets us apart. That’s what makes every family different. So why judge, why judge ourself, why judge our spouses, our parents, siblings our immediate relatives. They are the best we will ever have, we can’t go out and get another one of these from the market. So making peace with it in our own way shouldn’t it be our best foot forward?
Instead of judging what if we enjoy the ride in our very own private circus with its unique traits and characters with a VIP seat, that too free ( if you don’t count paying in drama ) After all what family is complete without some drama, isn’t it ?
If we stop looking with our rose tinted glasses cause even roses have thorns.
This is what I learnt in this year, acceptance in all relationships, in family, in friendship.
And it’s ok to feel it all, you needn’t be guilty for it or make others feel guilty for feeling it. Relationships are bliss they are meant to make you stronger, if we compare them with others life, we’ll rob ourself of the joy in the lifelong journey we need to take with these people. In the end these are some of the people who love us unconditionally right.
Acceptance is the key to everything in this world. We need to learn to accept certain things, of the way people are and learn to live together with differences but happily.
(Wish that applied to the current scenario in the country too - isn’t that similar too a bigger family, then why we differentiating on the basis of religion, aren’t all of us Indian)
Another point I wanted to make before this year ends -
Is why do we have to question or again judge people if they speak on some issue, why we take it for granted that if someone talks about a certain disease he must be having it. If someone talks about family, feelings - I am sure, must be going through a rough patch, someone doesn’t believe in CAB or differentiation on the grounds of religion - isn’t Indian enough, doesn’t have the brain to see the bigger picture. Why do we have this urge to hush every voice which is against the current? Why do we feel the need to brush our feelings under the carpet and suffer with our pain alone? Why this insecurity? Why can’t we be more vocal and accepted ?
I just voiced my opinion, things I believed and learned in this year, things I wanted to talk about before the year ends. Things I wanted to put out in the world.
Will I be judged? - yes mostly
Was I sceptical to put this out for the fear of being judged ? Kind of
Yet I am setting these thoughts free, someone, somewhere might need them this holiday season; someone somewhere will read, may be it will make a difference- a possibility. That’s enough for me today.
Stay happy guys and make yourself happy as someone very aptly said - in the end only when you are happy and only when you are contributing to humanity, can you provide happiness and can you contribute to others.
On that Note wish you Happy Holidays !and A Very Happy New Year in advance.